Monday, April 28, 2008

Waiting. But Not in Vain. Hopefully.

First of all, just to clarify, my little countdown ticker is a little off. I made it months ago, and either I was thinking positively, or I was just somehow off, but I'm not actually due until Friday. Silly me. But I'm not actually overdue yet, which is good.

Hmmm...I'm having trouble deciding how to actually start this next little section I want to talk about. Basically, I'm feeling the need to be pretty honest, and not all positive and putting up a (false) brave, strong front. So I apologize in advance if I make anyone feel uncomfortable or unduly sorry for me. For the most part I have been really positive, and happy, and not stressed, and not worried, this whole pregnancy. So it hasn't always been an act. I've had a lot of lovely spiritual experiences, and the hypnobirthing thing is very reassuring and calming, but this last little stretch of pregnancy is very very hard, and I find my faith wavering a bit, and I suddenly have to work superhard during my relaxation sessions to stay in relaxed mode, and I have to tell my shoulders and neck and jaw, quite constantly, to unclench. Blech.

Poor Jon came home to find his wife a sobbing mess on the couch today. I'm actually quite proud that I made it safely home, as I was crying the entire way, and it's no easy feat to cry and drive at the same time, especially when you wear glasses. Home from where? you ask, and why was I crying? Because I had an appointment with my midwife today, and I'm 39 and 1/2 weeks pregnant, and she did an internal exam, and my baby is still high and hasn't dropped into position, and my cervix (sorry if this is too much info) is all closed and high and thick and blah blah blah. So for someone who's due in 4 days, my body isn't acting like it's going to go into labor any time soon.

Now my logical mind was trying to prepare myself for this news, and I know that it doesn't really mean much as many women don't have any progress at all until they actually start actual labor. But the part about the baby not having dropped was pretty discouraging, and then my midwife had to talk about what will happen if I don't go into labor before I reach 41 weeks. All this stuff that I REALLY REALLY don't want to do, like being induced, and if that doesn't work, being c-sectioned. That stuff drives cold, sharp, nails of fear into my heart. So I was sobbing because I feel like I have this, to quote my friend Emily, ticking time bomb set for 2 weeks now, and if I can't dismantle it/go into labor on my own, it's going to go off in the form of a traumatic, medical birth ordeal, that I don't want. That's a lot of pressure for a girl to live under.

Of course hormones and fatigue are also not helping very much. And I try to remember that this is 60% mood swing and that tomorrow I will feel better and a little more rational and positive and proactive and all that jazz. And I'll try to remember that poor L'il Bit is feeling all my mood swings too and I only want him to feel happy welcoming love vibes, so that he'll want to come on out. But tonight I'll be praying my guts out, and I don't mind asking that if you believe in that sort of thing, that you will pray for me too. To naturally start labor before my "time" is up, and to not have the frightening kind of labor that requires pitocin and forceps and emergency surgery, etc, and to have an increase of faith, and to not be so pitifully anxious right now. I hope I'm not asking too much...

I guess that no matter how, this boy will be born within about 2 and 1/2 weeks, and won't just be squatting uncomfortably on my bladder for forever. That is something to be grateful for. I guess. Thanks for putting up with my pity party, and I'll try to write something all upbeat tomorrow or the next day about spring, and gardening, and how sitting on my front porch is like sitting in a tree, and my new fun calling at church, and washing darling little sleep gowns with yellow ducks on them, etc. All the many, many, many good things in my life.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

It's Just Like Christmas!!

Jon and I just made our first ever Ebay purchase, and I'll be honest, it was mostly Jon. I watched and was totally confused and not very helpful. So that was my contribution!! But we've been dreaming of getting a bread mixer for months now, and researching them and trying to decide if we wanted to spend $350+ for a really good one that would last longer than us, or a more modest amount on a smaller, less higher rated model/brand? In the end we compromised and got the super mixer, a little bit used, for almost $200 less--or basically the price of the other, smaller mixers we were looking at. Pretty cool!

We got it yesterday night, and while we haven't actually made bread, we did put it together and turn it on, and it seems to work! So we are very excited to make bread and rolls, and never buy storebought junk again. (ok, maybe sometimes we'll buy bread still!!!)

But as great as this is, it is not what has me in an ecstatic 6-year-old-with-a-brand-new-bike-on-Christmas-morning state.

Every single piece of that bread mixer came wrapped in TONS of bubble wrap!!!

Very, very, happy Megan.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

little updates and some appalling pictures.

Well, I thought I'd do a little update and post some pictures of very preggers me, as it has been requested by a few people. Believe me, if it were up to me I would do this pregnancy all 19th century style and enter into my "confinement" until I emerge triumphantly with a one month old baby!! But, alas, Heavenly Father saw fit to send me to this century instead, tee hee, so I will post these pictures even though I am astonished, when I see them, to see that I can still remain upright. Pregnancy is an amazing condition in deed. This first picture is from about a month ago, and the bottom two are from this last Sunday.

As for the updates... the horrible cough is actually getting incrementally better and I'm able to sleep a little better. In fact, I'm sometimes amazed at how quickly and thoroughly I can zonk out! But I think my body must be trying to catch up a bit, in addition to the whole pregnancy fatigue thing. Poor Jon caught the disease but he seems to be handling it better than I did. He can still mostly sleep! Here's hoping he will be all the way better by the time Roo makes his appearance. I need Jon at the top of his game in the hospital!

The little boy who has given me this strange new silhouette continues to grow and amaze me. I thought I could feel every movement before!! Ha! His little stretches and adjustments are my constant companions now and it is quite the surreal experience. Yet at the same time it's a sort of cozy experience. We are just practicing for lots of future cuddles so that's ok.

And remember the to-do-list of several posts ago? Well I just revisited it, and I'm quite proud to say that we have checked off many things on it, including: packing my hospital bag, Jon painted the bathroom and stairs, I've shopped lots without feeling too much like I was going to "drop" with the help of the internet, with Mom and Jon's help we've moved in the rest of the way, I've had two lovely showers, the nursery nook is basically ready and decorated (i'll post pics soon) and I've even managed to do SOME cleaning. Not too shabby.

So this little boy can come whenever he is ready!